Crying on the job...

Growing up I thought crying was a sign of weakness, and because I couldn't stop myself from crying, I thought I was weak and always hoped to grow out of it. My family wasn't expressive in their emotions so that's how I defined strength and character - no tears! It wasn't until my mid twenties that I was able to seperate crying from weakness in my mind. I'll never forget the day I realized that too, I felt so liberated! See, I was with a friend that had been going through a major trial for over a year, was crying of course, but was also majorly defeated by the problem. No ability to confront the decisions needing to be made by that point, nor desire to even talk about them. Such defeat in their eyes...and all of the sudden, it clicked. I cry yes, but I'm not defeated, so crying must not equal weakness!! I had gone through my own set of trials along the way by that point, and was still standing strong. I don't glory in their trial, but certainly am thankful for what it taught me about myself! We all process differently and express ourselves differently, but true character lies in step two, what are we going to do about it after the initial emotion wears off?? Keep crying or take action. Therein lies true strength, not in whether we shed a few tears in the process.

So, even though I thought crying was a sign of weakness, I was never put down for it by anyone so I did not learn the art of repressing. To this day. Even though I now embrace my emotions and my tears when they feel the need to come forth, I wish I had a little more control over their exit times sometimes! I have shed one too many in front of the boss this year - come on secretary, get it together!!! Do I have to be so transparent ALL the time?? I know this year has been full of highs and lows, but must it be publicly expressed? I don't mean to, nor am I saying I've been an emotional mess (I'm talking tears not waterfalls). It's just that I seem to feel things right away; from my inner core they make their way out through all my layers and plant themselves on my countenance, all in 1.5 seconds. So, given that I spend eight hours a day, five days a week at work, it's mathematically bound to happen on the job, and the boss is bound to walk by on one of these given moments before I have time to seek shelter. Yesterday was one such day. Ah! Or not? Why wasn't I totally emberrassed?? Could it be that my office has become an option for a shelter too? I feel safe there, because when I've been caught in the past shedding the tear or two, I haven't been judged or looked down upon as silly and immature. He seems to give the appropriate response every time - a pat, a hug, a "you'll be fine", an explanation on the matter, a relateable story; all coupled with sincerity. We've been challenged to GROW this year, and one of the ways to grow is making sure you're surrounded by safe people instead of toxic ones that prohibit our growth. Thanks B for being a safe person in my life! I am so blessed and thankful for ALL the safe people in my life, that don't judge me and keep encouraging me to grow...even when I shed my tears along the way.