Can't believe it's been a year....

Spending 2009's Admin Prof Day together...

On January 8, 2010, Ms. Phyllis K. Jones passed away from cancer. She was a colleague, a mentor, a friend, my biggest fan. She came on staff at the end of 2004 where we actually shared an office. We didn't click then, a year later I moved offices, and another year later, at the end of 2006, they moved both of us to positions with our Executive Pastors. We worked together again and absolutely clicked. It was our time by then. It was a pretty big transition for both of us, so that began our camaraderie. You see, she was happy with her transition, but I was terrified of mine as Assistant to our Sr. Pastor. I knew I needed to make the move, but I was scared. I thought it was too big for me to handle. But Phyllis had the confidence I lacked and was my rock through my first year of inner self-doubt and multiples what the heck am I doing there!? I don't know if the Boss ever suspected, as I tried to keep my freaking out to myself, the restrooms, or Phyl's office. She believed in me, and knew exactly why I fit in my new position. There wasn't a week, or even a day sometimes, that would go by without me hearing her footsteps coming down my hallway to see me...to encourage me. She would sit in my chair, speak her peace, and head right back out. There wasn't a week to go by without her calling me to see if I wanted to grab a coffee with her at Benetti's for a little break. Or a call to go grab some lunch together. In these little outings, she would always treat me, not having it any other way. If she was having a late meeting, and noticed I was still working, she made sure I ate from what she had ordered in. She was always aware of me, and seemed to take care of my needs inside and out.

I turned the corner of FreakOutville at the end of my first year when I heard this verse in a staff meeting:

1Chronicles 28:20, "And David said to Solomon his son, Be strong and of good courage, and do it: fear not, nor be dismayed: for the LORD God, even my God, will be with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee, until thou hast finished all the work for the service of the house of the LORD."

It was like God was talking to me directly and asking me to be done fearing because He had work for me to do in His house. I understood the message loud and clear, told myself to stop crying, and moved on.

By the second year then, I was full speed ahead, with Phyl as my mentor and partner. I gleaned so much from her, from her experience and knowledge in this crazy world of working on the inside of a church. :) I loved her wisdom and ability to discern immediately. I would pop into her office with a dilemma and she would tell me right away what to do. She would pop into mine with a dilemma, usually over what food to serve at a meeting she would be hosting, and I would tell her right away what to do (she hated working with food!). We were perfect partners, perfect friends - of the most unlikely kind.

By the third year, she began getting sick, really sick. In and out of the hospital all year long. She would tell me on her days in the office that she felt her time was wrapping up, and I wouldn't have it. NO WAY, I would say, and wouldn't let her talk like that. I fully believed in her recovery and that she had many, many more years to go. There was work to do and she fit so perfectly in her position. She knew though, and began saying her goodbye's in her own way, making her peace. I didn't believe it, I didn't want her to go. Her hospital spell in December 2009 though resulted in her not coming home again. On a terrible snowy day, instead of working from home, the Boss said he'd come pick me up so I could go see her on our lunch break. He kindly let me know this was it. NO! We stopped by for his wife and off to the hospital we went. I didn't know how I was going to react or what I should say. We arrived, walked in, and I lost it. I was the biggest crying mess I have ever been in my life I think, so she proceeded to thank me for being a good friend to her and that we had a good ride on staff together. That she loved me. All I could say back was that I couldn't let her go! She held my hand tightly and closed her eyes to rest. We went back the next day, and she couldn't speak by then, nor could I still speak much. Then the next day I braved going to see her by myself. I had gathered some courage and had some things I wanted to say. She couldn't open her eyes by then, but she could hear. I told her what I needed to tell her, and I saw a tear come down her eye. I kissed her and left at 6:00pm. At 6:30pm I get a text that she had passed away, at 6:05pm!!! God knew I couldn't have handled being there in the actual moment of her passing, so He kindly guided me out when He did, and then welcomed her home. She understood the Father's love by that point (her favorite topic and encouragement for ALL to know), and I know she couldn't wait to be with Him. I was SO happy for her, and SO devastated for myself.

I cried myself to sleep that night, and the next, and the next, and the next... See, it was the first time I lost someone that close to me. And I didn't want to lose her! I especially didn't want to be on staff without her! Who would replace her? Who would encourage me like she did? Advise me, guide me, love me? After processing through all this, gratitude started taking over my grief. I don't question God or His timing, so at some point I had to start seeing things His way. I started thanking Him for the time I had with her, for the priviledge of running with her on the last leg of her race, for blessing me with her friendship and the influence she had on my life. I started to realize that if she was gone from my life, it was because I didn't need her anymore. She did her part, and now I needed to do mine and put to use the wisdom she instilled in me. I absolutely SHOULD be on staff without her; it was time to buck up and start walking on my own. And that I have...

This is the verse I journaled when I wrote about her the day she passed:

Proverbs 27:17, "Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend." 

I still miss her deeply, but she sharpened me to be strong on my own on staff. She left a huge mark on my life, a mark as big as the personality she rocked, and I will always be grateful to God for how He used her in my life to equip me to continue running my course. There will never be another Phyl, but yet, there should never be another anyone because we're all created unique. She lived her unique life and finished strong, leaving a beautiful legacy. As for me, I'm not done yet...until thou hast finished all the work for the service of the house of the LORD. So, I WILL press on until I finish my unique calling...and pray I leave a legacy as well.

In remembrance of my Phyl...who will always hold a dear spot in my heart.